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A seriously funny guy with his broken pronounciation

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樓主
發(fā)表于 2010-4-12 13:18:59 | 只看該作者 回帖獎勵 |倒序瀏覽 |閱讀模式
沙發(fā)
 樓主| 發(fā)表于 2010-4-12 13:27:31 | 只看該作者
Just in case you didn't get it.

My name is Joe Wong. But to most people, I am known as “Who?” which is actually my mother’s maiden name, and the answer to my credit card security question.

Joking aside, I want to reassure you that I am invited here tonight. And I was padded down for guns. I don’t know how long the Supreme Court will continue to allow this.

I grew up in China. Who didn’t? Most of my childhood memories are ruined by my childhood.
When I was in elementary school, as part of the curriculum, I worked at a rice paddy next to a quarry where they use explosives to break rocks. That’s where I learned that light travels faster than sound, which is almost as slow as a flying rock.

My dad was a grumpy guy. But occasionally he tried to cheer me up with jokes. When I was 7 he said to me, “Son, why is tofu better than centralized socialist economy?” 5 minutes later, I said, “Why?” He said, “Because I said so!”

In 1994, I came to the United States to study at Rice University in Texas. I was driving this used car with a lot of bumper stickers that are impossible to peel off. And one of them said, “If you don’t speak English, go home!” And I didn’t notice it for two years.

We always wanted my son to become the president. We try to make him speak Chinese at home and English outside in public. Sometimes I had to say to him in public, “If you don’t speak English, go home!” He said, “Why do I have to learn two languages?” I said, “When you become the president, you will have to sign legislative bills in English, and talk to debt collectors in Chinese!”

After I graduated from Rice, I decided to stay in the US because in China I can’t do the thing I do best here, being ethnic. In order to become a citizen, we immigrants had to take American history lessons with questions like: Who’s Benjamin Franklin? We were like, “Ahh.., the reason our convenient store gets robbed?” What’s the second Amendment? We were like, “Ahh.., the reason our convenient store gets robbed?” What is Roe vs Wade? We went, “Ahh…, two ways of coming to the US?”

Later I read a lot about American history. So much so that I started to feel white guilt.
In America, all men are created equal, but after birth, it depends on their parents’ income for early education and healthcare.

I read on Men’s Health magazine that president Obama every week has two cardio days and 4 weight lifting days. I don’t have to exercise because I have health insurance. I live in Massachusetts where we had universal healthcare and then elected Scott Brown. Talk about mixed message! I think there was a movie about him. It’s called “Kill Bill”

We have Mr. vice president Joe Biden here tonight. I have read your autobiography and today I see you. I think the book is much better. They should have cast Brad Pitt, or Angelina Jolie.
We have many distinguished journalists here whom I consider as peers. I once wrote for the campus newspaper. Journalism is the last refuge for puns. Only in a newspaper can I say, “I was born in the year of the horse, that’s why I’m a neigh-sayer (nay-sayer)”

This is my first time on CSPAN, a channel I obvious always watch when I couldn’t handle the demagoguery and sensationalism of PBS and QVC. If I still couldn’t go to sleep after watching CSPAN, there are CSPAN2 and 3!

I was just thrilled to be invited to tonight’s event. I showed the White House my jokes about the president, and that’s when Obama decided not to come and started the immigration reform. Take that Stephen Colbert!

Obama has been accused of being too soft. But he was conducting two wars and they still gave him the Nobel peace prize, and he accepted it. You can’t get more bad-ass than that! The only way you can be more bad-ass than is that if you took the peace prize money and gave it to the military.

I finally became a US citizen in 2008. Thank you! America is number one! That’s true! We won the World Series every year!

2008 was the year of the presidential election. But I believe the apathy among non-voters is the real problem. I immediately registered to vote for Obama/Biden. (Turn and face Biden) You are welcome. You had me at “Yes we can” That was their slogan.

After getting them elected, I felt this power trip and started to think maybe I should run for president myself. I have to explain a little here. I had always been kind of a morose and pessimistic guy. I feel that life is like peeing into the snow in a dark winter night. You probably made a difference, but it’s really hard to tell.

Now we have a president who is half black half white. That just gives me so much hope because I am half not black half not white. Two negatives make a positive.

So my fellow Americans, you may be thinking what is your campaign slogans? You see, I spent 10 years in the past decade. You too? I understand that Americans are suffering. My campaign slogan will be, “Who cares!”

If elected, I will make same sex marriage not only legal, but also required! This will make appeal to young voters because when I was young I was really scared about marriage. I was like, “Wow! 50% of all marriages end up lasting forever!”

I will eliminate unemployment by reducing the productivity of American workers so that two people have to do the job of one, just like the vice president and the president, the Olson twins.

Despite heart diseases and cancer, most Americans die from natural causes. If elected, I will find a cure for natural causes. It may not be covered by insurance because of pre-existing conditions.

I have a quick solution for global warming. I will switch from Fehrenheit to Celcius. It was 100 degrees and now it’s 40! You are welcome!

I’m great at foreign policy because I’m from China and I can see Russia from my backyard.

On foreign policy. I believe that unilateralism is too expensive; open dialog is too slow. If elected, I will go with text messaging. I’ll text our allies just to say hi; and text our enemies when they are driving. “OMG you are making nuclear weapons! But U R doing it wrong, LOL!”

I would like to thank Radio and TV Correspondents’ Association for giving such an incredible honor! This is the first time I wish my 3 year old son knew what I was doing.
板凳
 樓主| 發(fā)表于 2010-4-13 10:26:07 | 只看該作者
Joe Wang的單口相聲在美國能贏(yíng)得哄堂大笑,在中國卻沒(méi)人笑, 呵呵

So a Chinese Guy Walks Into a Bar, And Says He's Irish—Get It?
It Might Depend on Where You Live; Comedian Stumps the Crowd in China

By CAROLYN CUI
No comedian wants to bomb in front of a big crowd. But Joe Wong, a chemist turned comic, is having a tough time with an audience of 1.3 billion.

When the 40-year-old Mr. Wong played the "Late Show With David Letterman" last year, people cracked up when he walked out and said, "Hi, everybody….So, I'm Irish." That appearance launched him on a tour of clubs around the U.S.

Yet in China, where Mr. Wong grew up, people were puzzled from the start. "How come the first sentence, 'I'm Irish,' can make Americans laugh?" one viewer asked in the comments on a subtitled video circulating in China. Because everybody in America is from Ireland, someone theorized. "It has nothing to do with that," said a third. It's because being "Irish itself is hilarious."

China Central Television, the biggest TV network in the country, deemed his success in the U.S. curious enough that it dedicated a special program to him in December. The peg: He's the Chinese scientist who makes Americans laugh. While CCTV declared that Mr. Wong's success proves "humor has no boundaries," it concluded the program without showing any of his jokes.

Mr. Wong's first live gig in Beijing, in late 2008, was "not successful," he says. In America, he says, it's funny to poke fun at yourself. But in China, there's no humor in misfortune. The audience struggled to grasp the punch lines, and Mr. Wong recalls looking out on the blank faces of a "polite but serious" crowd.

"That was an unfunny routine," says Ding Guangquan, a Chinese comedian, who invited Mr. Wong to perform there.

One of the jokes he told at Beijing's Haidian Theater, Mr. Wong says, was about parking: "I'm not good at sports, but I love parallel parking. Because unlike sports, when I am parallel parking, the worse you are, the more people are rooting for you."

That didn't get as many laughs in China as it does in the U.S., probably because Chinese drivers park wherever they want to, he says.

A widely followed blogger in China on cultural issues, He Caitou, says he decided not to recommend Mr. Wong to his 500,000 subscribers. His jokes are impossible for ordinary Chinese to get, he says. "If jokes need footnotes, it won't be funny at all," he says. "Except for his look, how else can we relate to him?"

Mr. Wong came to the U.S. in 1994, at 24, and earned a Ph.D. in biochemistry at Rice University. In 2001, he saw his first stand-up show. He was fascinated, but "only got half the jokes," he says. He took adult-education classes in stand-up comedy and started performing, while holding a day job as a researcher for a pharmaceutical company.

Mr. Wong isn't the first, of course, to find humor doesn't translate. Judy Carter, an American comedian and author of "The Comedy Bible," says she bombed when she did a gig for a Chinese audience in California. To set up a joke, she opened with "I just broke up with my boyfriend..." A collective sigh of sadness emanated around the room, she says.

Before a recent show in Hong Kong, Ms. Carter's hosts gave her a few rules of thumb: no physical comedy—it's not ladylike; no joking about the economy—too depressing; no riffs on marriage—too personal. And absolutely no dog jokes, lest she cast aspersions on Chinese eating habits.

She settled on a neutral topic—frustrations with newfangled technology. "Everyone hates technology," she says.

For generations, Chinese have enjoyed "Cross-Talk," a scripted routine typically with two comedians verbally jousting, eventually winding its way to a punch line.

But Cross-Talk is slowly losing its audience, says Wu Wenke, director of the folklore institute at the Chinese Academy of Arts in Beijing. Some productions that were once big hits are now considered vulgar and are banned by the government. Cross-Talk shows are "a disappointment," says Mr. Wu.

Younger audiences are starting to warm to the stand-up style, with a Chinese twist. There are footnotes: after the punch line comes an explanation of why it's funny.

In Shanghai, Zhou Libo's stand-up show has become a top event. His repertoire spans global warming, growing up poor and, that perennial crowd-pleaser, China's emergence as a global economic power.

He jokes about China's massive purchases of U.S. Treasury bonds: "I am really confused about why a poor guy lends money to the rich. We should just divide the money amongst ourselves," he says. "But on a second thought, each of us would only get a couple of dollars!" Then Mr. Zhou adds: "Because the population is so big."

While Mr. Wong has been panned in China, he has fans among English-speaking Chinese. On an Internet forum for Chinese living abroad, one person said his jokes accentuate stereotypes. Others defended him, with one saying he shows that not all Chinese are "paper nerds."

Last month, Mr. Wong performed before Vice President Joe Biden in Washington, earning a standing ovation at the Radio and Television Correspondents' Association dinner. To prepare, he read Mr. Biden's biography, he told the crowd, and, after meeting him, declared: "I think the book is much better."

Mr. Wong's approach is scientific. He tests hundreds of jokes in small venues: "Just like screening out cancer-related genes, sometimes only one out of 100 jokes is funny," he says.

And maybe even fewer in China.

Back home, Mr. Wong's dad is among those puzzled by his success. Huang Longji, who lives in an industrial city near China's border with North Korea, says he is proud of his son, but a career in comedy isn't what the retired engineer expected for his son.

"It's just like a black hen lays a white egg," he said.
地板
 樓主| 發(fā)表于 2010-4-13 11:00:59 | 只看該作者
相關(guān)新聞:中國土產(chǎn)“博士笑星”黃西讓美國副總統笑翻了(視)

去年,40歲的黃西參加了《大衛萊特曼秀》(Late Show With David Letterman)的演出。當他從幕后走出,并說(shuō)“大家好……所以我是愛(ài)爾蘭人”時(shí),人們爆笑不止。此次演出開(kāi)始了他的全美俱樂(lè )部巡演歷程。

然而在黃西的家鄉中國,人們從一開(kāi)始就感到困惑。在中國流傳著(zhù)一個(gè)帶有字幕的黃西演出視頻。一名觀(guān)眾在評論中問(wèn)道,為什么第一句話(huà)“我是愛(ài)爾蘭人”就能讓美國人發(fā)笑?另一個(gè)人總結道,因為每個(gè)美國人都來(lái)自愛(ài)爾蘭。第三個(gè)人說(shuō),與這無(wú)關(guān),因為是愛(ài)爾蘭人本身讓人發(fā)笑。

中國最大的電視網(wǎng)──中國中央電視臺認為黃西在美國的成功令人稱(chēng)奇,并于去年12月為他專(zhuān)門(mén)做了一期節目。原因是:他是一名使美國人發(fā)笑的中國科學(xué)家。盡管中央電視臺稱(chēng)黃西的成功證明“幽默無(wú)國界”,但節目一直到結束時(shí)也沒(méi)有播放黃西的任何笑話(huà)。
黃西說(shuō),他2008年末在北京的第一場(chǎng)演出不成功。他說(shuō)在美國,開(kāi)自己的玩笑讓人覺(jué)得有趣,但在中國,倒霉事兒沒(méi)什么可幽默的。黃西回憶說(shuō),觀(guān)眾們努力想聽(tīng)懂笑話(huà)中的包袱,但臺下的人禮貌、嚴肅、一臉茫然。

邀請黃西來(lái)華演出的中國相聲演員丁廣泉說(shuō),這不是個(gè)好笑的事。

黃西在北京海淀劇院演出時(shí)說(shuō)的一個(gè)笑話(huà)與停車(chē)有關(guān):我不擅長(cháng)體育,但是我喜歡平行停車(chē),因為跟體育不一樣,你停車(chē)技術(shù)越差,你的觀(guān)眾就越多。

他說(shuō),這個(gè)笑話(huà)在美國讓很多人發(fā)笑,但在中國卻不行,可能是因為中國的駕車(chē)者想停哪兒就停哪兒。

在中國廣受歡迎的文化問(wèn)題博客作家和菜頭說(shuō)他決定不向自己的500,000讀者推薦黃西。他說(shuō),普通的中國人不可能理解黃西的笑話(huà)。如果笑話(huà)需要注釋?zhuān)鸵稽c(diǎn)都不好笑了。除了他的長(cháng)相,我們還能怎么描述他?

黃西于1994年來(lái)到美國,當時(shí)僅24歲。后來(lái)獲得萊斯大學(xué)(Rice University)生物化學(xué)博士學(xué)位。2001年,他第一次觀(guān)看了單人喜劇表演。他說(shuō),他對此感到著(zhù)迷,但只聽(tīng)懂了一半的笑話(huà)。他參加了單人喜劇成教班并開(kāi)始參加演出,同時(shí)白天在一家制藥公司做研究工作。

當然,黃西并不是第一個(gè)發(fā)現幽默無(wú)法翻譯之人。美國笑星、《喜劇圣經(jīng)》(The Comedy Bible)的作者卡特(Judy Carter)說(shuō),她在加州為中國觀(guān)眾表演時(shí)也遭遇慘敗。她的一個(gè)笑話(huà)以“我剛和男友分手……”開(kāi)頭。她說(shuō),滿(mǎn)場(chǎng)哀嘆聲四起。

卡特近期在香港演出前,東道主告訴她幾條經(jīng)驗法則:不要表演肢體笑話(huà)──太不淑女;不要嘲笑經(jīng)濟──太沉悶;不要談?wù)摶橐雯ぉぬ珎(gè)人化。而且絕對不要說(shuō)狗的笑話(huà),以免她中傷中國人的飲食習慣。

她最后選擇了一個(gè)中性的主題──使用新奇技術(shù)時(shí)遭遇的挫折。她說(shuō),每個(gè)人都憎恨技術(shù)。

中國人世代喜歡聽(tīng)“相聲”──通常由兩名相聲演員用事先準備好的段子在臺上斗嘴,兜了一大圈最后說(shuō)出一句點(diǎn)睛之句。

但中國藝術(shù)研究院曲藝研究所所長(cháng)吳文科說(shuō),相聲正在逐漸失去聽(tīng)眾。一些原先紅極一時(shí)的作品現在被認為是粗俗的,且被政府禁止。吳文科說(shuō),相聲表演令人失望。

年輕一代的觀(guān)眾開(kāi)始喜歡中國式的單人喜劇形式。點(diǎn)睛之句后面跟著(zhù)注釋?zhuān)忉屗鼮槭裁纯尚Α?br />
在上海,周立波的單人喜劇表演引起轟動(dòng)。他在節目中涵蓋了各類(lèi)主題:全球氣候變暖、窮人的成長(cháng)經(jīng)歷以及中國成為經(jīng)濟強國這一永遠讓眾人欣喜的話(huà)題。

他把中國大規模購買(mǎi)美國國債變成笑料。他說(shuō),我真搞不清楚為什么一個(gè)窮人要把錢(qián)借給富人。我們應當自己把錢(qián)分了,但再一想,每個(gè)人只能分到幾美元。因為中國人太多了。

盡管黃西在中國不受歡迎,但在講英語(yǔ)的華人中有自己的粉絲。在一個(gè)海外華人網(wǎng)絡(luò )論壇上,一個(gè)人說(shuō)他的笑話(huà)只是陳詞濫調。另一些人則表示反對。其中一個(gè)人說(shuō),黃西的表演顯示了并非所有的中國人都是“書(shū)呆子”。

上個(gè)月,黃西在美國華盛頓舉行的美國廣播電視記者協(xié)會(huì )(Radio and Television Correspondents' Association)宴會(huì )上為美國副總統拜登(Joe Biden)等人表演,贏(yíng)得了觀(guān)眾長(cháng)時(shí)間的起立鼓掌。為了準備這場(chǎng)演出,他閱讀了拜登的傳記。在與拜登會(huì )面后,他告訴眾人說(shuō),我覺(jué)得書(shū)要好得多。

黃西沿襲了科學(xué)的方法。他在一些小場(chǎng)合測試了數百個(gè)笑話(huà)。他說(shuō),就像篩查與癌癥相關(guān)的基因一樣,有時(shí)100個(gè)笑話(huà)中只有一個(gè)可笑。

而在中國或許更少。

黃西的父親也和其他人一樣對他的成功表示困惑。他的父親黃龍吉(音)是一名退休的工程師,居住在靠近中朝邊界的一個(gè)工業(yè)城市。他說(shuō)他為兒子感到驕傲,但從事喜劇事業(yè)并不是他原來(lái)期望兒子走的路。

他說(shuō),就像是一只黑母雞下了個(gè)白雞蛋。

Carolyn Cui
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